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Epstein Death Sets Off Wild Wave Of Conspiracy Theories

WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW,” ONE AND ALL. I’M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS. I DIDN’T THINK IT WAS POSSIBLE, BUT DONALD TRUMP CAN STILL SHOCK ME. ( LAUGHTER ) >> Jon: WHOA, SHOCK! >> Stephen: IT’S KIND OF NICE, YOU KNOW, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, HE CAN KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP FRESH. JUST WHEN YOU THINK, YOU KNOW, HE’S BEEN AROUND FOR A WHILE AND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO BE SHOCKED BY HIM ANYMORE, HE POPS UP AND SCARES THE ( BLEEP ) OUT OF YOU. ( LAUGHTER ) HE’S, LIKE, LEATHERFACE BUT WITH MORE LEATHER AND WAY MORE FACE. ( LAUGHTER ) FOR INSTANCE, OVER THE WEEKEND, SEX CRIMINAL JEFFREY EPSTEIN WAS FOUND DEAD IN HIS NEW YORK JAIL CELL. NOW, HE APPARENTLY, THEY SAY — AND I GUESS THEY WOULD KNOW, THOUGH THEY CAN’T SAY HOW — ( LAUGHTER ) COMMITTED SUICIDE, WHICH IS SURPRISING BECAUSE, THREE WEEKS AGO, HE WAS FOUND UNCONSCIOUS WITH MARKS ON HIS NECK.

HOW THE MARKS GOT THERE, THE AUTHORITIES DID NOT SHARE WITH THE PUBLIC. AND YET, EPSTEIN WAS LEFT ALONE AND NOT CLOSELY MONITORED. NOW, MAYBE HE WAS JUST IN ONE OF THOSE PRISONS THAT REALLY VALUES INMATE PRIVACY! ( LAUGHTER ) LOVELY. THEN AGAIN, EPSTEIN KNEW A LOT OF POWERFUL AND IMPORTANT PEOPLE, INCLUDING ALAN DERSHOWITZ, FORMER NEW MEXICO GOVERNOR BILL RICHARDSON, PRINCE ANDREW, AS WELL AS PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON AND PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP. IT’S A WHO’S WHO OF “WHO’S JEFFREY EPSTEIN? I’VE NEVER MET JEFFREY EPSTEIN.” ( LAUGHTER ) THIS HAS SET OFF A WAVE OF WILD CONSPIRACY THEORIES ONLINE. THE SORT OF STUFF THAT ONLY UNSTABLE TINFOIL HAT LOONS COULD POSSIBLY BELIEVE, SO DONALD TRUMP. ( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) TRUMP FANS, THEY’RE COMING AROUND! COMING AROUND! BECAUSE A FEW HOURS AFTER EPSTEIN’S BODY WAS FOUND, TRUMP SHARED A TWEET AND VIDEO THAT CLAIMED WITHOUT EVIDENCE THAT FORMER PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON AND FORMER SECRETARY OF STATE HILLARY CLINTON WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR EPSTEIN’S DEATH. ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) REALLY? REALLY? THAT’S YOUR THEORY? I’M NOT SAYING THE CLINTONS DON’T HAVE ANY POWER– HE COULD DEFINITELY GET A RESERVATION AT ANY RESTAURANT IN NEW YORK CITY, PARTY OF FOUR, ON A SATURDAY — MAYBE NOT — BUT MASTERMINDING A SCHEME TO ASSASSINATE A HIGH PROFILE PRISONER IN MAXIMUM SECURITY FEDERAL CUSTODY? THEY COULDN’T EVEN MASTERMIND A VISIT TO WISCONSIN.

( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) BUT TRUMP CLEARLY THINKS IT’S THE LOGICAL ANSWER. (AS TRUMP) “FOLLOW ME DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE HERE. OKAY? WHO HAD THE MOST TO GAIN FROM EPSTEIN’S DEATH BESIDES ME WHO IS ON VIDEOTAPE PARTYING WITH HIM AND YOUNG WOMEN? ( LAUGHTER ) AND WHO CONTROLS ALL FEDERAL PRISONS? THE PRESIDENT. BILL CLINTON! ( LAUGHTER ) REALLY? WHAT? ME? HOW? ( LAUGHTER ) DIDN’T THEY HEAR WHAT I SAID ON THAT BUS? THIS IS INSANE.” YES, IT IS INSANE, MR.

PRESIDENT. THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS PUSHING A DANGEROUS AND COMPLETELY UNFOUNDED MURDER CONSPIRACY THEORY ABOUT HIS PREDECESSOR. IT REMINDS ME OF F.D.R.’S IMMORTAL WORDS: >> THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO FEAR IS — HERBERT HOOVER! HE’S A LIZARD ALIEN! THEY WALK AMONG US! RUN!” ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: MISS THAT MAN. THIS CAME RIGHT ON THE HEELS OF TRUMP’S VISITS TO DAYTON, OHIO AND EL PASO, TEXAS. IN A TIME OF NATIONAL TRAGEDY, WE LOOK TO THE PRESIDENT TO CONSOLE A NATION. BUT DONALD TRUMP WAS LOOKING TO HEAL A DEEPER WOUND: HIS EGO.

( LAUGHTER ) AIDES SAY THAT WHEN TRUMP DOES SOMETHING THAT HE BELIEVES HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN PRAISED FOR, SUCH AS WEDNESDAY’S VISITS TO THE CITIES, HE GROWS FURIOUS WHEN HE DOES NOT RECEIVE ACCOLADES. (AS TRUMP) “I’D JUST LIKE TO SAY TO ALL THOSE SUFFERING HERE IN DAYTON, YOU’RE WELCOME. ( LAUGHTER ) WOULD IT KILL YOU TO SMILE?” ( AUDIENCE REACTS ) THIS WOULD EXPLAIN WHY, ON HIS WAY TO EL PASO, AFTER TRUMP SAW NEGATIVE NEWS COVERAGE, HE SCREAMED AT HIS AIDES TO BEGIN PRODUCING PROOF THAT, IN EL PASO, PEOPLE WERE HAPPY TO SEE HIM.

BUT NOT ONE OF THE EIGHT PATIENTS STILL BEING TREATED WANTED TO MEET WITH THE PRESIDENT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) (AS SURVIVOR) “I JUST SURVIVED A NATIONAL TRAGEDY, DON’T MAKE ME MEET ONE.” ( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT’S REALLY GOT TO BE A BLOW TO TRUMP’S EGO. (AS TRUMP) “THEY DON’T WANT TO MEET ME? WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE? A CHAMPIONSHIP SPORTS TEAM? ( LAUGHTER ) I EVEN BROUGHT A TABLE OF CONGEALED BIG MAC.” ( LAUGHTER ) “IT CONGEALS INTO ONE LARGER MAC. ( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF ) TO COMPENSATE, ADMINISTRATORS BROUGHT BACK TWO PATIENTS WHO HAD ALREADY BEEN DISCHARGED WHO EXPRESSED A WILLINGNESS TO MEET WITH THE PRESIDENT. THAT MUST HAVE BEEN A STRANGE CALL.

(AS PATIENT ON PHONE) “WHAT’S THAT, DOCTOR? YOU NEED ME TO COME BACK TO THE HOSPITAL? THERE’S AN INFECTION? AND IT WANTS A PICTURE WITH ME?” ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF ) THE PRESS WERE NOT ALLOWED INSIDE THE HOSPITAL, BUT CELLPHONE VIDEO SHOWED TRUMP CONSOLING THE SURVIVORS IN THE ONLY WAY HE KNEW HOW: BY TALKING ABOUT HIS EL PASO RALLY FROM FEBRUARY. >> THAT WAS SOME CROWD. NK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO.

>> WE HAD TWICE THE NUMBER OUTSIDE. AND THEN YOU HAD THIS CRAZY BETO. BETO HAD LIKE 400 PEOPLE IN A PARKING LOT AND THEY SAY HIS CROWD WAS WONDERFUL. >> STEPHEN: A BEAUTIFUL SENTIMENT, WHICH IS WHY EVERY TIME I HEAD TO A FUNERAL I CONSOLE THE FAMILY WITH MY STRAIGHT A’S REPORT CARD FROM 8TH GRADE. PRETTY GREAT. PRETTY GREAT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE, I TID NOT MAKE ONE A IN EIGHTH GRADE.

( LAUGHTER ) ONE OF THE PATIENTS INVITED BACK TO THE HOSPITAL TO MEET THE PRESIDENT WAS AN INFANT BOY WHO LOST BOTH HIS PARENTS IN THE SHOOTING. THIS IS AN UNSPEAKABLE TRAGEDY THAT WILL ALTER THE CHILD’S LIFE FOREVER, SO, NATURALLY, IN THE PHOTO, TRUMP IS SMILING, AND GIVING A BIG THUMBS UP. WHO DOES THAT? (AS TRUMP) “HEY, WHO’S GOT TWO THUMBS AND PUTS THEM UP AT THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME? THIS GUY.” AND HIS CRITICS AREN’T THE ONLY ONES WHO NOTICED THE WEIRDNESS. SUCH PICTURES HAVE CONCERNED WHITE HOUSE AIDES, WHO HAVE ENCOURAGED HIM TO STRIKE A MORE EMPATHETIC TONE. WHAT HIS AIDES DON’T UNDERSTAND IS THAT TRUMP HAS ONLY ONE PHOTO POSE AND HE USES IT WITH EVERYONE — BEAUTY PAGEANT WINNERS, DICTATORS, OTHER DICTATORS, LIL’ JON AND TACO BOWLS.

( LAUGHTER ) (AS TRUMP) “I’M SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, TACO BOWL.” ( LAUGHTER ) ( PIANO RIFF ) .

As found on Youtube

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Selena Gomez and Jimmy Cry While Eating Spicy Wings (Hot Ones)

-Selena, have you ever seen the show on YouTube called “Hot Ones”? -No. -On the show — it’s a great show, it’s really funny — you eat spicy chicken wings that get hotter as you go, all while answering questions about yourself. -I’m going to regret this. -No, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we should try it right now. -All right, let’s do it, yes. -Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the host of “Hot Ones,” Sean Evans, right there! Thank you for being here. I’m a fan.

Please, thank you for this, and please take it easy on us. -All right. Well, thank you so much for having me. We’re doing “Hot Ones” live here. But don’t worry, there’s no reason to be nervous. If it gets too spicy for you, you can always hit the milk. But, Jimmy, I noticed, where’s your glass? No cup? -Oh, yeah. No, I don’t — Well, I do have a cup, but since it’s “The Tonight Show,” I don’t — we don’t mess around here. So can someone bring out my cup of milk? -Where’s his cup? -Yeah, this is, uh — That is the actual Stanley Cup right there. That is the actual — That is the real deal Stanley Cup. Thank you, Stanley. And it is filled with milk. -Filled with milk? -That was supposed to be filled with water. Okay, good. But it’s filled with milk just in case we need it. But, you’re saying you don’t really need it. Is that what you’re saying? -Well, we’re doing an abbreviated version of the show, and we’re going to start kind of mild with Los Calientes.

But I’m going to be honest with you guys, it’s a very steep ramp up. We very rapidly get to the last dab of hot sauce, more than 400 times hotter than a jalapeño. So with that in mind, are you ready to dig in? -Yeah. -Yeah, okay. So we just go with this one? -This one, right? No? -I think you’re at the end of the paddle. And then we’ll all — -That looks way hotter, though.

-You have pieces of pepper and stuff hanging in there. I’ve seen the show, you should eat the whole thing? -If you’re down to commit. -Oh, yeah. I’m down. -These are good. -Okay, mild. That’s good. You can handle spicy? You can do that? -It’s not bad. -All right, Jimmy, my first question is for you, because as I understand it, a few years ago, you did a segment called “Cooler Heads” with James Franco. And there was this gag where they were supposed to take a bucket of fake Buffalo sauce and dump it over your head. But because of a production mix up, it ended up being real hot sauce? -Yes. Very real. -Really? -Oh, my gosh, it was unbelievable. I don’t know — That person is no longer working at the show. He dumped real Buffalo wing sauce all over my head and we finished the thing, and I’m like, “That was great!” And then I just started feeling a tingling on my face and on my back, it went down the back of my shirt.

And my whole face was kind of scarred from cayenne pepper. And I took a shower in milk. -It’s always a professional liability when you are working with extremely hot sauce. I know that better than anyone. Are you guys ready to move on here to the Wiltshire Chilli Farm sauce, featuring Trinidad Scorpion? For many years, the hottest pepper in the world? -Oh, great. -Trinidad Scorpion. ♪♪ Okay, that’s something. That’s something there. I’m feeling something. I feel something. -It’s actually not bad. -Really? -Selena’s rocking it. -Really? -Make some noise for Selena. -Really? You’re not freaking out? -Unh-unh. -My tongue — something is happening. -All right, Selena, this question is for you. From eating pizza crust and fried pickles, your food preferences very much bear the mark of somebody who does not apologize for what she likes. So with that in mind, can you explain the enduring allure of dining out at Hooters? -Well, initially it was to — -You can just get right to the end of the story. -Okay. -Whoo-hoo! Oh, God! Trinidad Scorpion. Are you serious? -Initially, it was because my dad wanted to hit on hot girls.

-Ah. -but then, I just — I don’t know — I enjoy the fried pickles, the shrimp, the butter. -Uh, yeah, that’s good. -It’s good. -Great menu. Great menu. -Could not have said it better myself. All right. -Oh, no. -Right? Are you feeling this? -I think I am now. -Now you’re feeling it. -Well, for people who watch “Hot Ones,” this is the moment they’ve been waiting for. This next wing is Da’ Bomb Beyond Insanity It is a ride. -Wha– -Selena, you’re awesome, cheers. -Cheers. ♪♪ -Sizing it up. ♪♪ -You’re crying. You’re crying. Oh, my God. -What the hell? -So this sauce is just all about survival right now. We’re just trying to survive this segment.

On our show we have a recurring segment called “Explain That ‘Gram,” where we have our guests explain their Instagram pictures. – -So can we put it up? Do you remember this selfie, and what the heck is in your teeth? -I don’t remember anything right now. -You were — what was it –? -This is horrible. -Aah! What was in it? Gum? Do I have to finish all of this? No disrespect, right? -It was gum! It was gum! -Oh, my gosh.

Okay. I think it was gum or lipstick or something. Oh, my God. -From four years ago, what a memory. What a memory. All right, you probably wonder why I’m shaking up this bottle. This is the last dab. We call it the last dab because it’s tradition to put a little extra on the last wing. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. -Oh, my God. ♪♪ My nose is running. ♪♪ All right. I got you. Oh. Oh, gosh. Ooh! Oh. All right. -All right. Bottoms up. ♪♪ -All right, you guys have had… -I hate it! -…so many iconic moments on “The Tonight Show” together. But now it’s time to put another chapter in the history books. We’ll do a name that impression game.

Jimmy, all you have to do is ad lib three impressions. And, Selena, all you have to do is try to guess the impression. – Ugh, I just want to say who I’m doing. Uh…my gosh. Geez, like, Sandy, I swear to God, I can’t believe this. I can’t even do an impression. It’s killing me. Just say John Travolta. -John Travolta. -John Travolta. – Oh, my God. You’re crying, just please say Pee-Wee Herman. -How is that Pee-Wee Herman? -Look at you crying. Just one more. -Why do you do this to people? -We’re stuck here together. -You’re an evil, evil man. You’re a sick, evil man. And how are you not crying? Wait, you haven’t eaten your wings! Oh, my gosh. Last one. I haven’t even touched it yet. Oh, my gosh. Hey, hey. There’s nothing in that. -What are you doing?! -Adam Sandler. -Thank you, say Adam Sandler. Just say Adam Sandler. -It is Adam Sandler! Oh, my gosh. Does that even help? Ugh! Can you just do the outro for me? I can’t even talk. -Yes.

Hey, don’t go anywhere. “The Tonight Show” will be right back with more Selena Gomez. Don’t go anywhere. ♪♪ .

As found on Youtube

Turn any video into eye candy. Turn your regular videos into blockbusters 2 Quick Questions Do you already have any video creation or editing app? Do you already have any old videos, new videos, or stock videos? Profit from selling revamped videos or video revamp services! This app solves the main problem marketers, entrepreneurs, and business have with their videos.

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Not Only Are These Tape Measure Tricks Hilarious, But They Are Downright Amazing

Most of us use tape measures for, well, measuring. But one fun-loving construction worker has found a much more creative use for this handy extendable tool.

Instead of just doing boring old stuff like measuring boards, this clever dude uses it to make the sickest trick shots ever. Hey, we’ve all gotten bored on the job…right?

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So this is why my three-day remodeling job took over a month to complete.

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This is the pretty much the most useless skill I’ve ever wanted to learn. If it isn’t in the Olympics by 2024, we’ve failed as a civilization.

Read more: http://www.viralnova.com/tape-measure-tricks/